And awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay we go!
Despite my best efforts, friends, I got carried away. I was swept along in the tidal waves of materialism. Bit I did try. I wasn't planning on buying anything, and I held out for the whole day on Black Friday. Saturday got me, though. Good sales. Stuff I needed. (But is there really anything I really need???) Sometimes you can hold down the fort for a few attacks, but then eventually they find the weak points in the wall and the enemy over runs the camp.
So, awaaaaaaaaaaaaay we go. It's the beginning of another commercial season. There is much that hangs in the balance. Retail stores typically do at least 50% of their sales during this time of year, which means Xmas can make or break the P&L for a corporation. Marketing and advertising plans are in place. They've been working all year on how to stimulate the consumer to buy. A failed holiday season means that heads will role. People will be fired. Retail workers will be laid off. All if you, the Almighty Consumer, fail to consume up to your true potential.
Oh, but that's not all. Our whole economy depends on how much we consume. You have probably already heard a news outlet talk about whether or not economic forecasts were met for the after-Thanksgiving gross sales. The government watches these numbers anxiously. Investors watch these numbers anxiously. Political candidates, rounding the bend for a run at the White House are anxiously watching these numbers. Hell, even the show salesman that talked me into those new Skechers is anxiously watching these numbers. "We blew the projections out of the water," he said, after I asked him how Macy's did on the day-after.
The weight of the world is on our shoulders! We must shop! We must consume! I'm serious! (Hence the overuse of exclamation points!!!) Jobs and careers are on the line, people! This Xmas thing is serious business! I mean it!
You are the consumer. And during this holiday season we need you more than ever. It is your patriotic, American duty. Preserve your country.
Repeat our national slogan after me. Are you ready??? Ok, all together now: Shop till you drop.
Shoes: $35
Shirt and sweater: $24.99
Feeling nauseated because you support the machine of Consumerism that now dominates our sense of purpose and meaning: Well, that's free of charge. Oh, and it's priceless.
There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's Master Card.
12 comments:
Black Friday was really dissapointing for me this year. All I bought were some notecards and lunch. I didn't even feel like shopping! I think I might have been sick.
Our whole economy depends on how much we consume.
That's what makes America beautiful. The more you buy the better life is for everyone else. It's a win-win!
Feeling nauseated because you support the machine of Consumerism that now dominates our sense of purpose and meaning: Well, that's free of charge.
Maybe you could start sewing your own clothes. You could probably grow your own food too, I mean you got kind of a strip of grass out by the apartment. You could totally plant a garden.
Yes. That's what I will do: Go completely organic. Grow my own food. Grow my own cotton and weave/sew my own clothing.
This will be great.
All I need now are a few volunteers to pitch in to buy some acres on the Indiana countryside and we will all live together in harmony and communal living!
Oh yes, I bet your home grown/weaved/sewn clothing will look splendid.
Then you and your organic brethren can build your own houses and generate your own electricity...
you probably won't be able to make your own cars and computers so you'll just have to without those. But you can use horses to get around and you can probably rig an ok wagon.
And when you're all finished you'll be completely free from the snare of consumerism and be...Amish.
Enough with the MasterCard talk. It was overused months ago.
I am impressed w/ your duds, though. And your modeling talent.
Emily,
Master Card is now an institution more important to the stability of our society and culture than that of the church. So, repeating the often-used lines of their "priceless" commercials is, in many ways, our 21st century American liturgy. It has a certain sacramental value.
Melody: And when you're all finished you'll be completely free from the snare of consumerism and be...Amish.
But I would still be able to keep my cell phone, right??!!! I hear that landlines are banned, but cell phones are ok. (Would that make Dish TV a wholesome form of Amish entertainment?)
But I would still be able to keep my cell phone, right??!!!
Uh-oh, sounds like someone's still got some consumerist tendencies that need squashing.
Maybe if you could make your own cell phone that would be ok.
Yes, some Amish are NRA and have cell phones. They also have motor boats, and rent air conditioned condos on the lake.
Personally I think they should just get over it and buy a car, because a car runs on gas and they've used gas lamps for years. But you know, then it'd be hard to hold up the whole, "We don't pay taxes for religious reasons" line, which is the only actual perk of Amish-ness.
(Would that make Dish TV a wholesome form of Amish entertainment?)
Absolutely, but I would look for cell phones to become banned again when the bishop figures out it's possible to access the internet with one.
Maybe you should refer to yourself as The Tortured Consumer from now on...
What you would have said:
I went biking yesterday.
What you should say:
The Tortured Consumer went biking yesterday.
Maybe you should refer to yourself as The Tortured Consumer from now on...
Emily, it's really bad when you make me laugh outloud in the office. It makes them think I'm not actually working :o
I like your idea though, it sounds like something some angsty, anti-establishment, letter-to-the-editor-writing, socially awkard genius would do.
"Dear Editor,
The Tortured Consumer went biking yesterday and was dismayed to see advertisements on the side of every building. The Tortured Consumer did not like this. The Tortured Consumer will have to take steps to ensure this never happens again.
- The Tortured Consumer"
Later a series of violent crimes would be atributed to The Tortured Consumer based on speech and writing patterns, but of course The Tortured consumer would never be arrested. He would dissapear and leave crime experts wondering for years to come.
The Tortured Consumer??? I'm not quite sure where you guys are going with that, but the creativity is stimulating!
Maybe at this point the best we can do is consume and then be tortured by the results of our consumption. For example, we can't live without destroying natural resources. So, we have to destroy the earth, but it pains us to do so. We have to consume more food, clothing, etc. than teh rest of the world in order to function in society. After all, who wears the same clothes for more than a year or two? Those people are labeled by American society as backward and "out of style." Are they not??? We have to buy crap for people each Christmas that they just throw away, right??
Interestingly, I just saw a statistic today that Americans produce 19% of the world's trash!
Maybe at this point the best we can do is consume and then be tortured by the results of our consumption.
That's mighty depressing. Why do we have to be tortured about it? Not all consumption is bad. Plants consume carbon dioxide but they produce...what is that stuff we breath again? Well anyhow, I just don't think it's reasonable to be upset about something like that.
Sometimes the things we want are beneficial too.
We have to buy crap for people each Christmas that they just throw away, right??
Pfff, maybe they throw your gifts away. My gifts are cherished for all eternity.
Melody:
Not all consumption is bad.
Fair point.
I think the problem is that when we allow ourselves to be defined (subconsciously, of course) as consuming beings. When that is the case, then we instinctively consume everything in our path, even people. Remember my Consume Unto Others post?
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