Meaning, Desire and Light

In our recent discussion on Cyber Sex I referenced Qohelet (Ecclesiastes) saying that on my reading one of the major points of Qohelet is that there is no absolute connection between fulfilling one's desires and living a meaningful life. That if we pursue our desires we may or may not grasp them, and if we do satisfy desires that this may or may not result in a feeling of fulfillment or the sense of having lived a meaningful life.

This prompted a comment by Ktismatics:

If there's no discernible connection between desire and meaning, then why not accept that disconnect? Eat, drink and be merry if you feel like it; it doesn't have anything to do with meaning anyhow. You could make a case that Judeo-Christian sexual morality attempts to impose meaning where it doesn't belong, that it makes to big a thing about it. After all, there's no law against chasing the wind, and it can be kind of fun and relaxing to do so, even if it doesn't really mean anything.

Paul says he wouldn't have known sin except through the Law, that he wouldn't have known about coveting if the Law hadn't said "Thou shalt not covet." The sinful passions were aroused by the law, the commandment not to covet created the desire to covet. Doesn't this suggest that prohibition creates corrupt desires? That if the prohibitions were eliminated the desires would find their own way without being forced into the darkness of bad conscience? Die to the Law, live unto God, who regenerates the desires without reference to prohibition and self-discipline?

This brought to my mind the movie Leaving Las Vegas:
An avowed alcoholic, Ben drank away his family, friends and, finally, his job. With deliberate resolve, he burns the remnants of his life and heads for Las Vegas to end it all in one final binge. On the strip, Ben picks up a street-smart hooker named Sera in what might have been another excess in his self-destructive jag. Instead their chance meeting becomes a respite on the road to oblivion as something connects between these two disenfranchised souls. (Yahoo plot summary)

Here is a scene from Leaving Las Vegas where Ben (Nicolas Cage) completely breaks down in a Las Vegas casino. At this point Sera (Elisabeth Shue) and Ben are together and out for a night of fun.


The movie is brilliant in its raw and authentic look at human nature and our potential for self-destruction. Two souls find each other, Ben and Sera. Separately they were destructing and destroyed. Having intersected into each other's world we now sense that a meaningful relationship is possible. No, more than that - that a meaningful life is possible. We are filled with a sense of potentiality. Something meaningful is within their grasp.

But the relationship is twisted and perverse. Sera is a prostitute and Ben is a dying alcoholic. Sera keeps working the streets and Ben's binging is killing him. Their lives destroy them and warp them such that they get close to love, close to a meaningful sexual encounter, but they never quite get there. The ending is authentic: Meaning is lost.

My response to Ktismatics and to Ben/Sera is the imago dei, the image of God. That humanity searches for meaning because it is in our nature as a reflection of our Creator. Fundamentally we are needy beings. Our needs drive us to something more meaningful. Our needs for relationships, for example, can provide meaning and deep fulfillment. But our needs can also lead us into cycles of self-destruction, like Ben. Need and desires can easily become frustrated, repressed and chaotic.

Ktismatics says, That if the prohibitions were eliminated the desires would find their own way without being forced into the darkness of bad conscience?

Our desires are pure but our desires are also dark and evil. And for most of us there is a jumbling of them all together such that one cannot discern what motivates them and what desires are pulling us along at any given moment. Ultimately, I think that Ktismatics is on to something. We were created for light, to be exposed.

We were created for light and authenticity. To live the genuine life:
This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. (I John 1)

As such the Psalmist pleads in Psalm 139 for God to search and expose. That the Creator and Knower would reveal the depths of the soul - to somehow bring light to darkness:

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Vegas - Last set of pictures

Ok, here's the last you'll have to bear of my pictures from Vegas.

Nike town was cool....Nike town is always cool....

Hangin' out at the Luxor....that's a cat, Egyptian cat thing...er something...
(Double click the picture to see the cat thing better. Also notice that my eyes are orange on purpose to match my sweatshirt.)

New York, New York (a section on the strip)

Hangin' out with a random statue guy at one of the hotels. There are lots of cool statue guys and girls hanging out around the casinos and outside the casinos. Everything is kind of like a carnival. There are themes for each hotel. It's a fun place to be - lots of excitement....Yes I am wearing my Notre Dame sweatshirt - and still proud of it despite the whooping by LSU =(

Random golden lion

Good place to eat....incredible cheesecake....

All right, all right, here's a little sample of the cheesecake...you can have a little taste, if you must!

Here the girlfriend I made while in Vegas....alas, it was only a fling....probably for the better, though, she looked really nice, but she was a little rigid and cold once you got close!

I post this because it just goes to show you that we can never escape the long, cruel grasp of Abercrombie and Fitch....maybe someday we can rid the world of A&F and usher in the Kingdom!

Putting the "Sin" in Sin City

Everybody's heard the saying "What goes on in Vegas stays in Vegas." Basically this saying means that a stay in Vegas gives you a license for vice. For the duration of your stay you can do whatever you please, whenever you want, and however often you want to do it. Gambling, gluttony, and sex are a few of the obvious vices that you can start off with - and that's just the stuff you see in the bright lights of the strip. For me it all begs the question of how and why Vegas is so sinful. I've always been a small town, country boy from northern Indiana. My hometown of Winona Lake, Indiana would never earn a nickname like "Sin City." Why do we call some cities "Sin City" or "Sodom and Gomorrah"? What separates the Las Vegas' and Sodom and Gomorrah's from the small towns of Winona Lake?



We might start by noticing that Winona Lake, IN is not short on vices of its own. My community has a heritage of strong religious and Christian conviction. This is particularly true of Winona Lake in that it is here that the Reverend Billy Sunday hails from. Any small community has its share of depravity. In fact, it may very well be that a little town will harbor more sin per capita than Las Vegas, despite the fact that it maintains a pristine and pious reputation. Jesus called the Pharisees in his day "white washed tombs" because they painted a pretty exterior, but on the inside they were spiritually and morally dead and rotting corpses. So, we don't want to say that a small town is any better or worse then Las Vegas. Vegas is certainly more in your face with sin, but small town America may harbor its own sins, even if they are beneath the surface.

Of course we still really haven't answered our question. Why does Las Vegas get the tag "Sin City"?? There seems to be something more that separates Vegas from Winona Lake.



It isn't necessarily the percentage of depravity that occurs, I think it has more to do with a certain set of expectations - an atmosphere and culture. And I think at this point it will be interesting to cross reference the book of Romans, particularly the first chapter. The first chapter of Romans is one of the primary chapters used by theologians to discuss human depravity and the knowledge of God. To the casual observer it often seems rather harsh. The apostle Paul seems to be going to some extremes here to paint a worst-case-scenario of human life. Verses 28-31 (of chapter 1) go as follows:

Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless.

Why does Paul paint with such broadstrokes? Realistically speaking there are very few people that are really that bad. We all have our vices, but how many of us are really as bad as Paul describes? How many of us are really Romans one bad? But Paul's point here is not to say that everyone of us possess all of these sins in the extreme. His point is that as a collective whole of humanity we are prone to develop this depravity as a collective whole. In verses 18-21 Paul seems to be pointing to a suppression of truth by the individual. But in verses 22 and following he seems to be expanding his thoughts to show how the seeds of evil in the individual human heart can bloom and grow into a community of depravity in which all kinds of evil vices flourish. And that, of course, brings us back to Vegas...

Vegas is Sin City because the city creates an atmosphere and environment for depravity. It is a community of vice. As individuals we are capable of sin and vice, but as a collective whole we are capable of so much more. This is also seen in the Tower of Babel incident (Genesis 11:1-9) where God sees that the collective will of humanity is strong enough to accomplish whatever it sets itself to do. In the case of the Tower of Babel the collective will was bent on evil and, as such, God interjected.



So, what is it? The collective will as a group, or the sinful depravity of the individual heart? Hard to say, as far as I can see. Without the depravity of the individual it is difficult to see how vice could grow into a monstrous culture of evil. On the other hand, it seems evident from the Tower of Babel, Vegas, and other such examples that groups can accomplish more vice than the individual on his or her own. It is like an avalanche effect: Once the ball gets rolling it is hard to resist from cascading down the mountain with the rest of culture. The stronger the current is the more difficult it is to resist and the farther downstream we get carried when we allow ourselves to go with the flow.

Perhaps the most relevant question is how to reverse the trends of sin cities. If negative energy can build up to a frenzy and carry individuals to the lowest depths of depravity doesn't it also seem possible that something similar could happen in the other direction? A movement of goodness, mercy, and love? I think history has played out this way. But what does it take to effect real change? To change the force and energy of sin cities and usher in the city of God?

Red Rock Videos

Here is some video at the top of Turtlehead Peak at Red Rock Canyon just outside of Vegas.



Here is a "wild" burro. Actually, he's kind of a scavenger trying to bum some food off of the tourists. A few cheese puffs spilled out of the mini van and the burro was quick to nibble them up! There was a huge crowd around him because "everybody loves the donkey."

Running Red Rock

Here is a map of Red Rock Canyon. It shows Scenic Drive, a loop of about 13 miles that circles through Red Rock Canyon. On all sides are really cool mountains and rocks.



Before I left for Vegas I saw the following page in the December edition of Runner's World:



I thought to myself that there was no way I could do a 13 mile run...I would have liked to do a 13 miler, but I just didn't think I was quite there yet. My max run was 8 miles, and I'm not sure it is recommended to make a jump from 8 miles to 13 miles.

So, we arrive in Vegas on Saturday. Early Sunday morning I go on a 7 mile run of the strip. We also walk a ton - all around the Vegas strip - on Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. On Tuesday we took out 5 mile hike up Turtlehead Peak. So, needless to say I'm kind of tired. But my legs feel good and I start to wonder on Tuesday if it might not be possible for me to run Scenic Drive (13 miles) if I took it in two phases: Run half and then relax for a while and finish the next half. But then as I begin to consider the possibility I think to myself that maybe I should just run as far as I can go. If I can get 13 then great, but if not then I will just relax and take a break at some point.

So, on Wednesday morning I start out at about 1pm. By the time I start I am determined to get through all 13 miles. The first 5 miles are almost entirely uphill and it is all against wind! I take my time and try not to expend too much energy, but it is very slow moving, and it gets a bit discouraging when my ipod tells me after 5 miles that I am at a 15 minute per mile pace!

The 5 mile point is the highest part of the run, and I look out over the canyon and it is very beautiful. In addition to the scenery I am also inspired by the fact that the rest of the run will be downhill. Add to that the Switchfoot song "I dare you to move" and I am off and running. I begin to stride out and really cover some ground quickly - it is exhilarating, to say the least. And at this point I begin to enjoy the majesty of the mountains around me.

When I hit the 9 mile marker my total pace (for the first 9 miles) is 9 minutes per mile! That means that I went from 15 minutes per mile at the 5 mile mark to 9 minutes per mile in a span of only four miles. I must of been bookin' it! And I am having a lot of fun.

Once I hit the 10 or 11 mile marker then it starts to become a bit more difficult and I can start to feel it in my legs. But I'm still doing well and I finish 13.1 miles (half marathon distance) just under 9 minutes per mile.

Here I am just after the run


Here is the sky on my run


Here are the shoes that carried me through. (I think that it's about time to retire them.)

Red Rock Canyon

Dan and I went to Red Rock Canyon on Tuesday. It is located just west of Vegas and has some excellent scenery. We hiked up Turtlehead Peak - one of the more strenuous and difficult hikes at Red Rock. Round trip was about 5 miles. We also tried a bit of rock climbing. (I recommend you click or double click on the pictures to see a larger view and get the full effect of the incredible scenery.)

Here I am at the beginning of our hike up to Turtlehead Peak



Off in the distance is our destination: Turtlehead Peak. Kinda' looks like a turtle's head, eh???


A couple of pictures showing why Red Rock Canyon has the word "Red" in it.




Here we are at the beginning of our ascent


We continue on our hike up the mountain...



The view from the top.



More of the view from the top - The city off in the distance is Vegas



These are the rocks of Red Rock Canyon






Dan and I try our luck at climbing up some of the rocks...Rock climbing is really hard work. It requires balance and a heckuva lot of toughness - upper and lower body strength. But it is a lot of fun!




I proudly display one of my souvenirs from Red Rock Canyon.

Day Two Vegas Pics

Here are some pictures from day two. On some of these pictures I recommend clicking (or double clicking) on them to see them to see a larger size.

Here I am before my early morning Vegas run....a bit delusional - it's about 4am, but only 7am by my Indiana time. If you are into running/jogging I recommend getting out to Vegas and running the strip in the wee early hours. It was relatively deserted in the early morning, but it was still dark and most of the strip (especially on the south side) was still lit up and glowing. It was kind of funny because at one point I ran up on three guys who were walking and had spread out in such a way that I couldn't get through them or go around them. I kind of came up on them hoping they would hear me, but they didn't. So, I tapped one of the guys on the shoulder and said "Hey!" He jumped about 20 feet in the air and looked like he had seen a ghost. I couldn't help but laugh, and I patted him on the chest and said "Thanks" as I ran by and continued my run.


A fountain outside of The Venetian

Sex and skin is everywhere. There are flyers and business cards for strip joints and prostitution, etc, etc. Vegas has every pleasure and desire you could want - and then some...

A picture of the Vegas strip from above.
(Double click on this one to see it a bit larger. It looks better if it is bigger.)

Vegas Videos

Here we are getting ready to leave - still in Indiana. This is my buddy, Dan.

Here I am before running the Vegas strip at 4am. I am rather tired and on looking at the video I think I appear somewhat delusional!

Here I am commenting immediately after running the Vegas strip....still a little delusional...

Waterfalls at the Mirage

"Pony up to the Pony"

Boxing with Joe Louis!