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Wednesday, February 07, 2007


I was listening to Colin Cowherd, an ESPN sports radio guy, made the observation that love should come with a warning label: MAY BE HAZARDOUS

This is in relation to the whole Lisa Nowak thing.

A brilliant psychiatrist provides us common folk with some enlightening thoughts:

"It is very hard for people to understand," said Dr. Keith Ablow, a psychiatrist and TV talk show host, "but these are feelings that cut across all social barriers. They cut across how accomplished you are at work. When affairs of the heart are involved, people sometimes tap very primitive and primal unresolved issues in their psyches and those come to the fore."

"This is a question of degree and perspective," Ablow said. "And she's lost perspective here."

Really??? Wow! What a fascinating analysis! She lost perspective. These feelings cut across all social barriers. My gosh! How thankful I am that Dr. Ablow has helped us to see what is so "hard for people to understand." Where in the world do they get these people....

Ok, for most normal, average people like myself the reality of love is really kind of obvious. Love can be the best thing in the world or love can rip you apart. Us common folk just know this.

But what is true love?

True love crosses a line of vulnerability that is very hard to define and explain. At some point we find ourselves so captivated by a person that we want them all to ourselves. We can't share them. And we can't share ourselves with anyone but that one person. There may be a million people out there cheating on their significant other, but if the person you love cheats on you it's like a knife in the heart.

How does this happen? Why does it happen? I don't understand it. But it is encoded in our hearts and souls that when we cross the love line we want to have something exclusive. But there is no logic to this - no rational explanation. That is why we need a warning label on love: MAY BE HAZARDOUS

Of course there are those who spread their love around, so to speak...the song, "Papa was a rolling stone" comes to mind....but I would argue these are folks that have never really crossed the line, at least not completely. To cross the love line makes you vulnerable and completely exclusive. Some of us, for a variety of reasons, can never cross that line. However, I think that under "normal" circumstances for the "normal" person it is the MO to fall in love and cross the love line for life. This is the natural order of things.

But as much as we can talk about the ideal and the "normal" person the fact is that most of us are skewed or otherwise messed up by things that happen to us or that we are just plain defective. Strong language? Perhaps. But the Scriptures speak clearly that this is a messed up world that is cloaked in darkness. No surprise that most of us have a hard time getting the love thing right. For the majority of us pure love gets mixed up with self-centered desire. I will give to you if you give me what I want. There may be traces of pure love, but it gets confused with a quid pro quo, give-and-take game. The quid pro quo thing can work, of course, as long as a couple is on the same page about how they are going to play the game.

Love. Proceed with caution: MAY BE HAZARDOUS


Melody said...

Sad to see someone lose it like that...so completely.

But...I don't think love is about captivation or needing a person all to ourselves either.

That's obsession...and it isn't healthy.

Not that I'm anti-manogomy here, but, hopefully, you're sharing that person with other people. Their family, friends, your children should you have any.

And, most couples hit a point where they are no longer captivated...and if they love the other person they work through that and, hopefully, live to be captivated again...but I don't think captivation can be part of the definition of love...only one of many possible symptoms.

I'm also not sure how you're defining normal when 50% of people who promise to love someone forever...don't.

LINDSAY said...

I agree with Melody if we come to a point that we are captivated or need a person all to ourselves; it is obsession or an infatuation. Love is so much more; it is giving up ones selfish desires and being sacrificial towards each other. Yes, love is hazardous, but so are many things in life. I do agree that there is no normal relationship that occurs, because everyone does have a story of hurt or rejection. However, I think all these reasons are no reason at all to be afraid of love. I feel the only way that love does work is through a quid pro quo, give-and-take, but I do not feel that it is a game. Instead, it is away of life.